


i need to be redeemed

by somethingradiates (orphan_account)



Category: The Following
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-06
Updated: 2013-02-06
Packaged: 2017-11-28 09:17:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/672769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/somethingradiates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>i've done wrong and i wanna suffer for my sins</i>. (jacob/paul, pre-series)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i need to be redeemed

Sometimes Jacob leaves. 

Sometimes Jacob (Will, you tell yourself, _WillWillWill_ , that’s his name, no matter what you mumble in the morning, no matter what you gasp under the sheets at three in the morning when he comes home with chilled fingers and a mouth pressed against the back of your neck, cold lips against the hot stretch of skin where your jaw meets your throat, hovering over the rabbitfast beat of your heart like he _knows_ what he could do to you) leaves for days at a time. Sarah asks the third or fourth time, _is everything okay_ , soft-voiced and soft-eyed, telling you that you can tell her without opening her mouth. She’s sitting at your kitchen table with both hands wrapped around a mug of tea; you’re sitting at the window and blowing thin pale plumes of smoke through the screen. It’s cold, November, and your fingers are stiff but you need the nicotine, you need -- 

(Jacob. You need Jacob.)

You smile and say something about family stuff. Sarah knows (thinks she knows) that your family accepts you both with open arms but that Jacob wasn’t so lucky, that his mother has been sick for years and less than willing to see her only son with his boyfriend at her bedside. Sarah is sweet and sympathetic and you don’t, you think, you don’t want to fucking hear it; you aren’t as good at this as Jacob, you can’t peel her away from the job. Jacob spends more time with her than you and you’re both more comfortable with that.

*

Jacob lets you fuck him the third week you’re together. _Together_ , he says, spits, because he misses Emma (the bitch, the fucking bitch, you want to smash her face against a wall, see how pretty he thinks she is then), _if we’re together we might as well act like it_ , and you’re not sure you understand his logic but you don’t care, you don’t want to. You’ve never slept with a man before but he has, _a long time ago_ , he says, pushes you back against the mattress and tells you what to do with his lips at your ear. You’re afraid of hurting him, somewhere deep in the back of your mind that hasn’t yet been gripped by what the rest of your brain body mind heart is doing, and when you ask if this is okay he bites at your neck until you think he breaks skin. 

*

Emma comes over once, right before winter the first year. She introduces herself to Sarah: _hi, I’m Will’s sister, Ali. You must be Sarah, I’ve heard so much about you._ She smiles, shows teeth. 

You wear a scarf to cover the dark, angry bruise that sits on your collarbone, but you think she knows anyway. 

*

Sometimes you think he can read your mind. Sometimes you love it (it’s summer and the windows are open and he hits you across the face, hard, when you say something taunting and sharp and baiting about Emma, and you taste blood, let him kiss it away from the corner of your mouth) and sometimes you hate it (it’s spring and you can hear her sharp little pitched breaths, hear him murmuring to her, _yeah, baby, that good?_ ; you’re laying on the couch and clenching your fists so hard they ache). 

_I know you_ , he murmurs against the back of your neck, _I know what you want_ , and it doesn’t matter how you feel about it. It won’t make it less true.


End file.
